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So many relationships operate in defense mode where each person is working to not offend or hurt the other person and will hide the reality of their experience from the other person while rationalizing it as protecting the other person. The trouble with this is that person A then loses the opportunity to know what’s going on internally in person B, thereby losing the opportunity for any real connection. When we hide our inner experience from people, we take away their ability to choose how to interact with us. In effect, we’re taking measures to control how they will interact with us. Control is what scared people do in relationship. So many of us have been deeply wounded in and through relationships and the temptation to stop pursuing connection is present for many humans. It seems easier to just give up. Thing is, if we’re wounded in relationship, it’s in relationship where we can be healed. Control is a relational tool that removes the agency of others in our relationships to mitigate risk. It’s an obstacle to overcome in the pursuit of living whole-heartedly. The opposite of control is trust.

https://theweirdochristian.wordpress.com/2020/07/23/what-does-bravery-have-to-do-with-connection